Tag: Teens

As many parents scramble to download homeschooling materials, online educational resources, and sanity-saving home activities, let us consider the greatest lesson this generation of children will learn during our time of self-isolation…

How to handle crisis.

As adults living in this unprecedented time, we have an obligation to model for today’s kids what it looks like to walk through uncertainty, fear, and unparalleled restriction. Whether you are a parent yourself doesn’t matter.  Everywhere you go – the local grocery store, the doctor’s office, your workplace – kids have their eyes wide open, taking in our words, our attitudes, and, most importantly, our actions.

What they see us doing, or not doing, is forming their future response to the world around them.

Do we want the next generation to be disingenuous with their time, money, or resources? Then stop hoarding toilet paper.

Do we want our nation’s children to disrespect authority, ignore warnings, or buck the system? Then stop going on unnecessary vacations amid travel warnings.

Do we want the young around us to be easily shaken, distrusting, and fraught with anxiety and stress? Then stop obsessing about the latest headlines while wringing your hands over things you can’t control.

If we want the youth of today to grow up to love well, have courage, and extend to those in need, then we need to model that now. Checking on those around us, giving some of what we have, supporting the vulnerable, and respecting the fragility of others are simple steps we can take. By sharing age-appropriate news with our children, we have an opportunity to explain, in a calm way, about the events happening around them and how it affects children around the world, not just those that live next door. Help them spot the good guys, the helpers, who are doing brave work in our communities; brainstorm ways you can partner with them or pray for their safety. Be loving and kind – towards the stranger at the store and to one another.

In these once-in-a-lifetime kind of days, we can teach our kids one of life’s greatest lessons of all…it’s not all about us – our comfort, our security, or our happiness. Let’s be the kind of adults we hope our children grow up to be. 

 

Imagine being an 11-year-old girl walking into her first day of middle school. The unfamiliar sites, sounds, and smells bring anxiety, excitement, and a healthy dose of fear. Will I be able to open my locker? Will I have a friend to sit with at lunch? Will I survive dressing down in PE? Will I be prey to the notorious middle school mean girls?

Being a middle schooler has never been harder than it is today.

During my junior high career, I managed life fairly well. Being both a cheerleader and band member, I straddled a wide divide of friend circles. To most, I was known as being a “nice girl”. Making good grades, kind friends, and staying above the fray. Do I have regret, sure. Do I wish I could redo some conversations, definitely. The most blaring injustice I committed was my keen ability to be silent.

One fateful week in early February, the student council was prowling the halls with Valegrams in hand. Being a gifted, cheesy poem writer, I had been asked to write a poem to be given to a certain boy from a particular girl. After writing this labor of love, I handed the masterpiece over to the proprietor, soon to realize the poem was going to be signed from someone else. A girl who had no idea she was sending this. Someone who often was the center of teasing. A person who needed to be defended.

And I let it slide. Not wanting to ruffle feathers, I stayed silent. Maybe she wouldn’t find out I was the one who penned the poem. Maybe she wouldn’t be upset after all. Maybe, just maybe, it wouldn’t really matter.

As I sat in math class, on Valentine’s Day,  I shifted nervously in my seat watching the Valegrams be passed out. To my horror, the boy receiving the card read it aloud in front of the class, sending the unsuspecting girl into a hysterical fit of sobs. In that moment reality hit like a dagger to my heart….My silence had made me a mean girl.

Our daughters don’t have to be silent. They can adopt the nuance of being nice.

Nuance = a subtle difference in or shade of meaning, expression, sound.

What if our daughters shifted the meanings of their words to bring life? What if their expressions reflected compassion, love, and friendship? What if the sounds coming from their mouth were joyful noises instead of  insecure jealousy? What if they gave voice to the bullied, included the outcast, showed compassion for the lonely? What would it look like if our teenage daughters embraced the nuances of being nice?

Change would begin to happen. The climate of our middle schools would shift. Students would start to believe they are good enough. Valuable. Loved. Cherished. No longer would the middle school years be clouded with a veil of insecurity and sadness. Our hallways would look different because nice is contagious and preciously rare.

In four days my oldest daughter will take her first steps into an unfamiliar middle school hallway. Some moms and daughters have collectively decided that this class of girls will CHOOSE NICE. When others slander, they will speak up. When others insult, they will encourage. When others isolate, they will include. This is a new class of girls who will commit to loving well, despite their own insecurity. Instead of waiting for others to set the tone, they will be the cultural trend setters. Will it be hard, yes. Will they be ostracized for it, maybe. Will it make a different, absolutely.

And we can’t challenge our girls to choose nice, if we don’t choose it first. Will you join us in this pledge to adopt the nuances of being nice? The return is well worth the things we have to lay aside.